Can You Handle the Truth?

Good for you, Nancy. Thankfully I didn't see most of the rants to which you refer, but it doesn't matter. I felt the same way last week when people were coming to the aid of those in Haiti and we saw the same kind of ugliness spoken about different ones doing their best help. People were just lashing out at other people whom they didn't understand. In fact, Haiti is sort of a good metaphor for helpers killing each other on the way to "help the suffering." How morbidly tragic.I love the points you made, and I'll remember them when I want to cry over things that are posted about me. The temptation is to shrink, not step into the target zone.For the rest, I only have time to roll up my sleeves and help the hurting. Someday the one who drives me crazy right now, could become my closest ally in the fight for goodness. I have hope.GinaAs for the rest of it, I

Hi Nancy!I noticed the same thing, and was disturbed by it. It's great to live your truth. I love that! But there is a line that some cross under the guise of being "authentic" and that turns into just a bunch of ranting and complaining. It definitely takes courage to speak up…but continual bashing of others or their ideas starts to look petty and breeds negativity. As a business owner, I don't want to attract those kinds of customers or clients (or mentors). I prefer to focus on what I do want in the people in my life…sometimes it takes knowing what I don't want, but I use those experiences for contrast only!Thanks for the great post!Kimberly Englot

Once again, it's about balance.

Thank you Gina, for bringing that up!

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I'm continually thrilled by your truth telling, Nancy, and asking us to take a look at ourselves. "I'm with stupid" — really speaks to the pack mentality that can emerge from negativity. The question is – when we become a victim of something isn't the opportunity really in taking responsibility for our choices?

Thanks for the invitation to continue looking at our own actions and responsibilities! You're right, a pack mentality can emerge from the negativity. Let's point the pack towards the positive.

Hi Nancy,Great article and it's the way of the future – the truth…However, like you said do you want to create negativity or positive energy on the planet and how do you do that when things are not working right.As a coach, I like to focus on the 98% that's working right and then make requests to move that last 2% into alignment. For people that focus on the negative during this new decade and age things will become really dicey as whatever energy you put out will truly create your reality.Hopefully people will find their hearts and their own gentleness towards themselves and others in this time of major upheavel and transition.Suzanne ~ Spiritual Life Coach <a href="http://www.YourNextStepCoach.com” target=”_blank”>www.YourNextStepCoach.com

Suzanne, your 98/2 rule is a great one to follow! Thanks for sharing your insights.

Gigi, you're going to usher into the era of kinder, gentler Bombshells, I can just see it.

Totally… wicked… you know what I mean?

The timing of this post couldn't have been more appropriate Nancy. My group and I were just talking about the message that complaining sends out about the complainer … and it is not a very attractive message at all. There is a huge difference between debate and bashing … the difference between empowering other people and disempowering yourself. There's alot of yucky stuff going on out there today. Complaining focuses on the yucky and gives it more energy to create more yucky. Your advise to go inside and take a look at what is driving that is perfect. When we change how we think and talk about things … things change for ourselves and for others. Complainers are not leaders … and the world is desperate for leaders today. We get to choose how we show up and how much good we can do to help those that are hurting.

Nancy – This is just another example of why you keep popping up on my radar. Your energy is magnetic and your vibration so yummy! I admire how you have expressed a number of thoughts that have been swirling around in my head the last couple of months. I am blessed to be connected with you my friend!

Hi Nancy,Agreed! It's so easy to jump on the bandwagon with the negativity and judgement. In the public speaking industry there's been a lot of talk lately about the Twitter backchannel and how it can get out of control in the same way. I think electronic communication creates some sort of buffer from true accountability for ones comments. It makes it easy to forget that the people who are being shredded online are human beings too. G-d forbid should those critics take the chances that those they so easily criticize do. I'd venture to say there's a little cowardice involved.Thanks,Lily

Lily, that's so true. People get bolder on a keyboard than they would if they were face to face. So maybe we need to say "if you wouldn't say it face to face, don't type it!"

Thank you Amy!Whenever I spot a trend, I have to speak up about it. You know the admiration is mutual and yummy right back atcha!

Thank you! I want to encourage the truth telling and debate, but like you say, not to focus on complaining. Complaining is NOT leadership, that is so true. Complaining without offering solutions is keeping us stuck in the problem.thank you thank you thank you!

Hi Nancy,Totally love this post. The medium is the message. How we criticize others is as important as the "truth" we want to bring to light. I do believe "The deeper the truth, the kinder the presentation."The times in my life I've vented by angrily complained to everyone BUT the person I was annoyed with, I was afraid to express my dissatisfaction directly to the person.I've always realized later that I had automatically assumed that person wouldn't listen, or would shame or blame me for telling them I was unhappy with them. So avoiding that conversation and just complaining to others seemed safer. But honestly, it never felt satisfying. And it has been very painful whenever someone has done that to me. More than once I've found myself saying (after crying my eyes out), "Why didn't you just tell me?"You've gotten some really important discussion going. With social media so powerful that we can hurt anyone exponentially…and never really take back anything we say…I'm glad for the reminder to keep my communication as clean as possible.Blessings to you,Martia

Hi Gina,Wow, I LOVE your line: "Someday the one who drives me crazy right now, could become my closest ally in the fight for goodness." So important to remember our connectedness. I'm going to keep that image in my mind when people annoy me–that in a future situation I could find them as my ally. A good reminder that everyone is more than what I perceive of them in this moment.Blessings,Martia

Hi Suzanne,Thanks for the reminder that the energy we put out creates the world WE live in. And that we can choose it.And yes, gentleness toward ourselves and others in this heartbreaky time. Ahhh…I just felt my shoulders drop. Thank you.Blessings,Martia

The larger the presence, the bigger the shadow and the bigger the projection. It's part of relating and how to keep a balance. It's an opportunity for healing something within me. It's part of knowing when the teacher is no longer right for me. Just because a top rated marketing guru can put on a good show doesn't mean they've got it all together-ie James Ray. It's a slippery slope if I carry the same soul loss.

If the Teachers not right trust your intuition, be powerful and move on. All I can think of is the movie Mean Girls.

Regina George: She thinks she's gonna have a party and not invite me? Who does she think she is?
Shane Oman: You're right, hon.
Regina George: I like *invented* her, you know what I mean?

Right on Nancy! Thank you for sharing your insight. I agree that there is nothing wrong with having an opinion–we all have them about most everything to varying degrees. Unfortunately what is sometimes happening in the "social media world" is that people are so hungry to be "part of a tribe" that as soon as someone with a following says something ugly online then large numbers of people jump on the bandwagon. Sadly it reminds me of some aspects of grade school bullying. Wouldn't it be so cool if people kept their "I'm having a bad day/week/life so I need to criticize/analyze others rather than work on myself" comments to themselves or closest friends and instead chose to edify the good in people and the lessons learned? SO much more Bombshell to add to the joy in the world! XOXO Gigi Belmonico

Hi, Nancy,I loved the comments in this post! There is wisdom and love here, lovely ones!My gut feeling is that there are four strong forces operating. When they converge, Ay, mamita, watch out!1. The last time I checked 75% of people in any given group are blamers. They point their fingers towards others in order not to assume responsibility. (Re: Virginia Satir)2. This is a time of change, which brings out fear. Security blanket is off and we are facing the Unknown. People who purchase certain events or products may be trying to guard off that Unknown, to assuage fear by holding on to something they perceive as bringing security. If this purchase does not bring that security, or is perceived as depleting the funds even more, the fear may explode as anger and desperation.3. Many online marketers and business gurus have been abusing the hypnotic tactics, trigger points, scarcity tactics, etc. When everything was "normal" perhaps a person would count her losses and move on. Now they may just explode. The abuse has created a counter-reaction, as most abuse does. After being taking for a ride in two or three transactions in which she lost thousands, Ms. Smith may not take the next one seating down. I can totally relate to that. (I'm not referring to Ali's event because I have no idea of what happened there. I am talking in general here.)4. The online medium is great for communication, but misunderstandings can easily happen. If you saw my update yesterday, it created a mini-debate about social media relations just because of a misunderstanding. Luckily, the participants were also heart-based people with dignity, tolerance and respect and it got sorted out immediately, with all of us getting wiser because of it. But if someone has a toxic area, chip on the shoulder or plain bad day, and misinterprets a part of a complaint or comment, this can easily escalate in matter of minutes. The thing is that we tend to be more casual in our comments in social media because of the informality of the medium and how fast it goes. So we may formulate things in ways that are less careful than how we talk during physical social encounters. But the fact that in physical encounters the person is looking at you and feeling your energy, emotional vibration, and tone of voice does help to clarify meaning, whereas online, it is easier to misunderstand.Thanks for a lively discussion and food for thought. As always, you are in the pulse.Light and love,Maria MarThe Dream Alchemist

thank you Maria!If we understand ahead of time that a large number of people in a group will be blamers, then that helps the non-blamers know their work that lies ahead!

Martia, i'm very grateful that the readers of this blog are so highly evolved! The emotional intelligence that everyone is showing here with the comments is a lesson to everyone out there who grapples with how to express dissatisfaction.Thank you coaches and heart based peeps who have enriched this conversation!!!

Thank you, Martia! One time I used to dread this really "arrogant girl" who I didn't see for twenty years – and when she saw me, she showed me this huge outreach she had built in the city. As I took the tour, she stopped a staff member and said, 'This is Gina, the girl I talk about all the time in my TESTIMONY! She always inspired me when we were teenagers!" My jaw dropped in horror and simultaneous gratitude for never actually SAYING the ugly things I felt all those years ago.

Hi Nancy,Great post. I was following a bit of what went down online after Shine (which I was unable to attend personally), and was really surprised initially as I'd heard great things from other folks who were there. So I actually did a little research to get a sense of what everyone was so upset about. You know what I kept finding??? Many if not all of the things people were complaining about have long been done by other top, male, marketers. Whether I'm correct in this assessment or not remains to be seen, but my impression is that the bashers fell into one of two camps: they're jealous of her success, or they expected her to do something different simply because she's a woman. I did not come across a single complaint that wasn't related to things that are commonplace at male dominated, direct marketing oriented events. It's an interesting double-edged sword for sure. Anyhoo, that's my two cents on the issue at hand. On another note, thanks again for being a part of my Telesummit yesterday! Your info was terrific as always. And I'm honored you were willing to be a part. Oh, and it's great to see the fun video we all did together at lunch in San Diego here on your blog. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and wisdom!StacyStacy KaracostasPractical Marketing Experthttp://www.success-stream.com

Hi Gina, What a beautiful story. Amazing. It made me want to go to your website. LOVE your Business Management timeline video. I'm about to start putting video on my website. Yours inspired me. You give great info–and with such authentic presence. I opted in. Martia

Great post again Nancy, and synchronously you published at a time when I have been listening to some of the free teleseminars chock-full of sales pitch after sales pitch after sales pitch – and I'm starting to wonder "Who is actually speaking the truth here? Who really does have a 6-figure business? And who's just blowing smoke?".

Right now there are *so* many people offering products/courses/coaching that all sound so similar and all offer to revolutionise your business ("if you allow it to", of course) that it's difficult to know who to believe and who to trust. I feel that an overwhelming number of gurus and experts and perhaps not actually making money from their businesses, but are in fact making money selling the theories of social media, marketing etc to desperate small business owners.

I could be wrong of course *shrug*

Confucious said it best: "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." This applies to bashing, degrading, and running tribal with the rest of an undesirable pack. And what a reflection on our souls!The guru bashing has gotten increasingly worse due to many things, mostly, folks being financially taken with false, unfulfilled promises and deceitful expectations. Anger gives way to one big, bashing party, and our souls get badly affected. – this turns into an opportunity to look inward and make a conscious decision to be a better person, constantly and continually, not just in the moment!A few years ago you wrote a blog about "The Nice Shall Inherit The Earth" – Would love to see it re-posted. !!! – Simple words to live by. I use them "daily"!

Thanks for this conversation, Nancy. I also noticed some toxic clouds of criticism floating around the airwaves. Its makes me think of this quote from Jean Sibelius: “… no statue has ever been put up to a critic.” Ranting and the ugly mob mentality that can ensue is sure hard on the spirit — of the ranter and everyone who listens. What if all that energy is spent creating rather than reacting? I mean, what's the opportunity here? Not from a Pollyanna perspective but from a business standpoint? If you don't like somebody else's offering, why don't you offer something better and put your juice into that? Or learn from the great marketing that drew you to that event you're complaining about?Thanks for getting us all to think! Appreciate your stirring the pot in a more positive direction.

Oh that is so sweet! I reply to all my emails that go out from that address, and rest assured, I do plenty of it "wrong," but I just keep going.

I don't want to paint an extreme picture, but you're pretty darn close to being right on.

C'mon Nancy, tell the truth about the extreme picture, we know you can do it And we'll still like you

I think the most disappointed and angry people are the ones that consistently look for THE answers outside of themselves – answers to their business issues, money problems, etc. Invariably, they WILL be angry and disappointed because no-one can give us those answers!Teachers can only inspire and guide us, give us new ideas and thoughts and allow us to question our beliefs. Anger in these rants is just a convenient way of placing blame and venting frustrations that really have nothing to do with an event or teacher – more with what that person isn't willing to own for themselves!Blessings,Andrea

You're not trying to "squelch the debate" at all, Nancy. You're inciting a very important debate! And a constructive one. Which is the key point here: when you see something happening online (or wherever in business) that rubs you the wrong way or what-have-you, for goodness sakes, take pause before going on a rant! Instead, decide whether or not you have something constructive to say, something that contributes meaningfully and helpfully. If you're really good, you can even "rant" without being a complainer. Big difference. A good rant will make people stop and think more deeply about something, maybe even shift their perspective or shed new light upon an issue. And indeed we can get uncomfortable and learn something without being negative and tossing human dignity out the window.Because when bloggers and the like just whine and complain "out loud," it is merely as a short-lived, hollow catharsis that serves only the writer's purpose. It sucks energy out of people instead of ADDING energy.Not exactly a 'contribution' to the conversation at that point.Speaking your truth should lift people up or uplevel their thinking. Fab post and thanks for speaking YOUR truth Nancy. It certainly is an "inside job." Love it!Cheers,Karri

No one would ever label me a radical, a rebel, or a revolutionary. That's for sure. Not my style and I don't like confrontation. Life is too precious and too short. Bashing others is a behavior that causes an instant decline in your credibility. And who would want THAT?!

I loved this post!!!

I loved this post!!!

Hi Nancy-Well said and well written. Your words make a lot of good 'old-fashion' common sense. I think of what countless mothers have said…"if you can't say anything good about someone…"It is all too easy for anyone of us to throw stones…let us all be experts in throwing kindness and support.Yes, we need to take a stand when deemed appropiate…however,is it a stand in the sand or on the solid rock of honesty,integrity and keeping our heads about us.Thanks for your great articles. All the Best.-Chad

well said, Chad. Thanks for the encouragement!